Who stole my sunshine ?
Depression did.
Hello, it has been a while since i blogged. I wondered for a while whether i should do this post or not ? I had thought that maybe i should pretend that life is a dream, but thats not me...why pretend.
So i have depression, like alot of people and some days are good, some moments are amazing and some days its like wading through treacle. Today is a treacle day and am finding it tough.
There are things i "should" be doing but i am not.
It's a day where a list of negatives pile up and i struggle to break free and get to my happy place.
But i am not weak.
I can also say that other people i know with depression are not weak either.
I can say that so many times my art and creativity have rescued me. My pen and sketch book like my life raft. So many times drawing has taken me to a different world where i can leave depression far behind, for that i am so grateful.
Here's to more days of sunshine !
I really wanted to share and if you want to comment that would be great, you know i love to hear from you
All my best wishes
Heidi x
26 comments:
I'm also dealing with depression.
Things in Europe are not well, and my kids have autism, there are no jobs, etc.
But please,stay strong. And if you help, seek help, don't deal with it alone.
Best wishes***
(love your work, by the way... and the lion's my favourite!)
i used to suffer with depression, and i really understand the feelings you are going through, heidi.
i send you my best wishes and stay strong!
Hello Heidi!
You're not alone! I suffered from Depression for many years, but now consider myself better. Depression is undoubtedly a debilitating problem, but one that you CAN recover from. As a previous post says, seek help, please don't suffer in silence.
I found this book very helpful 'Depression: the way out of your prison' by Dorothy Rowe.
My very best wishes
Liz
Sending you my extra rainbows and sunshine! When I get down I get very very down.. I self harmed for 2 years and was agoraphobic until I created myself happy!
Feel better soon I love you loads! xxx
Don't think it has anything to do with weakness, either - after all, Winston Churchill had depression (his "black dog")!
A mate of mine did really well by taking up running - he researched it and says that exercise is as good as medication .
Anyway, best of luck and please keep creating.
I agree that art is a healer and yes I have suffered depression, and probably still do to an extent. When I try to weigh up my life and put it into two halves I realise that my "worry" is 50% of my own doing and 50% pure bad luck (i.e. no job, debt etc), on the other hand I am very happily married and live mortgage free, so many people may think "what the hell has she got to be depressed about!" You can never explain it to people unless they have gone through it for whatever reason. Sending hugs (( ))
Heidi, you are incredibly strong. And posting this proves it. You are amazing - not only are you talking through your own issues, you are helping others by doing so. Depression is an ugly illness and one that so many do not understand. It is so important to be open about it, and in no way feel like you should be ashamed or that you are weak.
My brother-in-law was defeated by a long struggle with severe depression and he ended his life only a few months ago. It is tragic to see such wonderful people struggling so much with something out of their control.
I send you the biggest hugs, and I hope you know that even though we've never actually met, I feel incredibly proud of you and your work. I hope tomorrow brings an easier day for you.
If you need anything, even a middle of the night chat, we're all here for you. xxxx
Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, its an illness, but it is one that people who haven't suffered from it don't necessarily understand properly, and its a complex one to treat - there is no 'magic pill'.
I've had one period of bad depression, and it scares me to think of going back there, its very different to 'being sad'.
Never be embarrassed to ask us for help or support. Its clear you are a lovely person with great friends who will be there for you in whatever way you need. And never lose sight of what a fabulous talent you have
Hugs and strength to face each day at a time
Alison
I really relate to this post, thank you for deciding to post it!
You helped me out of a really bad day yesterday! Seeing you had drawn my beloved little dog on the envelope containing your wonderful zine reminded me just how lovely people can be, it was so thoughtful! It was exactly what I needed and came at exactly the right moment.
Thank you x
I struggle with depression too, especially at this time of year. I think you're really brave to post about it. I normally keep it to myself because I'm not brave enough to say anything most of the time. It's great having art as a way of coping :)
The Pixie coloured cat on my envelope was awesome btw!
Hi there Heidi,
Most people have already said it, but this is nothing to be ashamed about. I am on anti-depressants that are helping me deal with pretty severe clinical depression. Every day is a struggle but it's worth it. I know that even though it's a part of me, it doesn't define me.
People who suffer through these feelings are often stronger than most people. I know, and you know, you are strong! I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way and hoping the best for you :) Thank you for being brave enough to share.
Hello Heidi
It's really good that you've shared this, you really aren't alone, although I can imagine you feel like you are sometimes. I don't think I've ever suffered depression but I have felt despair and hopelessness and not knowing which way to turn. I felt determined to feel better this year and so have taken up running - I agree with what Jane said. Running has helped me feel physically and mentally stronger. Take care, look after yourself and remember to reach out when you need support and a shoulder.
Having gone through a very bad depression a few years ago that lasted for over a year and during which I spent most of my time thinking of ways to kill myself and then forcing myself to think of reasons not to do it I will never ever mock anyone who says they are depressed.
It was the single worst thing I have ever been through in my life; worse than physical injury or illness, worse than bereavement. At the worst point I too walked away from my job because the strain of fighting my own thoughts was crippling and I couldn't work.
I have nothing but sympathy for Michael Yardy. Like childbirth, no one who hasn't gone through it has any idea whatsoever of what it is like to experience it.
Anxiety-drugstore.net
Heidi, I understand how you feel. and I know how tiring it is to have people say things like "snap out of it". like, do you really think I want to feel this way?? for me, prayer helps greatly, as does actively focusing on the positive. it really has to be a conscious effort. I shall pray for you, hang in there, hugs :)
Hello love,
sending you a great big huge gigantic volcanic vast massive squeezy cyber hug.xxxxxxx
Hi Heidi, I agree with pretty much everything that the lovely people above already said! I used to suffer from depression and an anxiety disorder myself. I got help, which was an amazing comfort to me! In the end I needed some medication (which I didn't want in the beginning, but now I'm really happy I did), but I'm doing so much better now, but some days are still tough. You are strong, girl! Let nobody tell you otherwise!! I bet not many people would have dared to talk about depression on a blog! I hope you will have better days soon! Take good care of yourself, sending you much love and hugs!!
thank goodness for ink and watercolors! they've saved my life a time or two.
I to suffer from depression and I don't take meds either.I just came off a year of depression taking care of my elderly grammy who passed away a month ago.I know how you feel and I know how hard it can be.
Remember that you are not alone and that there are so many wonderful days ahead of you.When you feel like doing nothing is when you do something artsy.
I have a new blog address now and would love for you to stop by and say hi.If you need someone to listen I can listen.
Hi Heidi.. one of your adorable drawings caught my eye, actually a lot of your adorable drawings, and I came by to tell you so... I read your post on depression and although I don't suffer from it I have come first hand with it, my mother struggled with depression and mental disease all her life so I know its not something you can really control, but I truly wish that you feel better and hope you can stay strong. I used to put on really happy music for her when she got depressed and it seemed to help, we would sing together and it seemed to lift her spirits so much. I will pray that your depression be lifted for always... lots of love and a great big hug.. Patti :) keep making your sweet and adorable drawings too, there great!!
I have wanted to poke people with a fork for telling me to "snap out of it". Depression is entirely chemical and not snap-out-of-able. I've struggled on and off since college and know all too well those treacle days.
Don't know if you're a fan of Hyperbole and a Half (a site that routinely makes me spit out my tea) but she's done a fantastic blog recently that says it all, really.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
Much love and hugs. xx
I also suffer with depression. I have been struggling with it for about 15 years. I do take meds, which have helped me no end.
I am usually really bad at this time of year, with the dark nights etc, but amazingly this year I have been coping much better.....so far.
It's amazing how many creative people suffer from depression....I sometimes wonder if we need it somehow?
I hope you are feeling a bit better. Your art is amazing and always cheers me up when I see it!
Take care.
Clare x
I just want to say how much i appreciate all your comments, feel so overwhelmed and touched by your amazing responses and advice and sharing. Each one of you have really helped me. Thank you xxx
I just found your illustrations on Flickr and feel in love with them! Then i followed the link to your blog and read this post...
I know how you feel because i've had three major depressions in my life (including post-natal) and its nothing to be ashamed of. What you need now is treatment and what works better is generally a combination of medication and therapy (not just medication). What also helps a lot is physical exercise. Even walking in the park is good, specially this time of the year. And doing something creative, like you do should help a lot. Creativity is a gift!
Iam nowhere near being an artist like you but I do love scrapboking and I make lots of things in those days I am feeling down. Creating something can be invigorating, but I am sure you know that already!
Wishing you a good recovery...
Hi Heidi :)
I came to admire your blog today & found your post on depression. I am so sorry you're struggling with this!... I deal with depression too. The gift of my silly art has so often been an unexpected hand-up for me. I journal too... My "scribbling" is a good way for me to talk to God about life & how I'm feeling about it.
Anyway, I just mostly wanted to send you a BIG HUG "across the pond", Heidi... I DO hope you are feeling much better.
Blessings & love to you!
~ Patti Moore
PHOLKART*BLESSINGS
Hi Heidi,
I know you posted this a little while ago, but I had a look at your lovely blog today after chatting to you about "illustrators slump" on twitter. I still think medieval torture devices are the answer... but we will never know.
:)
Anyway, I saw this and wanted to comment even though its a bit late!
I know exactly how you are/were feeling. The last few years, I spent mainly feeling blue. I never told anyone apart from my boyfriend and eventually the doctor.
It was mainly brought on by homesickness. (i was at uni) and also a car crash last december (wasnt hurt too much) but I think I am prone to it anyway, as I think people who have it are.
Nothing helped... I saw a counsellor who made me feel better but i would forget all positive thoughts by the next day.
I couldn't describe how i was feeling. I could feel it coming on too. I only way I could describe it was "my brain going fuzzy". Just felt like a big grey cloud filling my head and all i could think about were negative and worrying thoughts.
Anyway, I am now living back near my family and frends which has helped alot. They dont know about it though. I feel embarrased to tell anyone, so I think you are really brave for posting this. I know we shouldnt be embarrassed.
OK, I am rambling a bit, but I think it helps to talk to people who have gone through it and know what it feels like. I agree that so many people think that it is easy to fix or it is attention seeking or whatever and they think they can cheer you up easily. I agree that I hated people saying "go for a walk". I love walking but going for a walk, on your own, surrounded by people, when you cant stop crying, really isnt what you want to do!
I hope you stay happy now, but I know that it is something that is always there.
I like your lion. He looks very courageous and sure of himself.
I think he is a good role model :)
Take care. :) xx
ps. sorry for the essay!
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